Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Park Ridge
Not a creature was stirring. No one ever is.
I had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When I sprang from my bed and gave my forehead a slap.

Though my project was due on the day we got back,
I'd forgotten my books when I packed by backpack.
So although it was late and I felt like a fool,
I slipped into my jacket and trudged off to school.

All the snowflakes were blowing and piling in mounds;
When I got to Maine South, there was no one around.
The hallways were vacant and silent and bare.
I searched and called out, but no one was there.

So off to my locker I went with all speed
To pick up the papers and books I would need.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
Dr. Cachur, in red, with a grin ear to ear.

The flash of his eyes and the tilt of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He skipped down the hall with a chuckle so jolly,
I followed to find out the cause of his folly.

The gym was his first stop this wonderful night,
Where my eyes did behold a most marvelous sight.
Two phantom teams were at war on the floor,
And a standing-room crowd could be heard through the door.

With a wink Dr. Cachur stuck his thumb in his ear
And the crowd roared to life as the Hawks beat New Trier!
Then off to the girls' game our principal flew,
And he wiggled his nose, knowing just what to do.

And there stood Coach Deines, a gleam in his eye,
For his girls now all stood over seven feet high!
The other sports teams all made out just as well--
The swimmers, the wrestlers -- and no gymnasts fell.

"Follow me!" said Doc Cachur, "there's lot and lots more!"
And he rushed me off, whisking through each corridor.
Not a single hall monitor was to be seen,
And the halls were all filled with the sound of Springsteen.

With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
I t was on to the school cafeteria he sped,
Where no endless lines nor old trays did we see,
But an elegant hostess, and all food was free.

Our plates were piled high with the finest by far,
From filet mignon to French caviar.
The ceiling was lit with a bright chandelier
Over fountains all bubbling with Coke and root beer.

Then he called the cockroaches to come out and play,
And they gathered around to hear what he would say.
So he taught them to sing -- what a wonder to see!
Their tiny, clear voices made sweet harmony.

Off to REO he raced and left nothing the same.
Adding carpeting, candy, and video games.
And the library, too, was a part of our walk,
Where he added a sign that said, "Everyone Talk!"

This was fun, but my book were still waiting for me,
So I went to my locker, and what did I see
But a locker so roomy, so spacious, so wide,
You could fit two halfbacks and a lineman inside.

I tapped out the code on its digital lock,
And the door sprang wide open, and there to my shock
Was my project, all finished, as neat as could be.
Then I danced and I clapped and I sang out in glee.

So I ran down the hall in a search for the elf
Who had given these gifts, but in spite of myself,
I could not find Doc C., though I heard his voice quake,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good break!"