October 1975

Stolen Mercury in pond causes rumors, crowd and rowboat
by Doug

   An interesting situation occurred Friday, September 19 when a 1975 Mercury Comet was discovered entirely submerged in the Maine South Pond. Contrary to popular rumor, the car did not belong to Dean Smith or any other faculty member but was rather the property of Touhy Avenue Motors.
    Credit for first noticing the incident was given to one of our men in green, a Maine South custodian. Observing a large clearing the weed growth near the pond, the custodian hypothesized that the disturbance might have been caused by vandalism or some large herbivorous animal in search of water. Upon seeing twin tire tracks near the clearing, however, it was surmised that the disturbance was caused instead by a motor vehicle.
    Police and firemen were at once summoned to investigate. A rowboat was launched into the treacherous water and firemen proceeded to probe the depths with an iron pole....
    After a while firemen came across a hard, flat surface and immediately perforated it. Bubbles floating to the surface signaled the presence of the submerged car. Frogmen were called to the scene to attach a line from the car's bumper to an awaiting tow truck. In the meantime, a large crowd had gathered....
    As to how the car entered the pond remains a mystery. It is a widely known fact that the pond is frequented by gangs of malicious goldfish, but it is assumed that the fish were not involved in the caper. However, the real culprit will be found. And when he is, he'll be charged the usual one dollar fine for parking on school property without a Maine South parking sticker.